sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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