he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
