Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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