I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Randomize
