I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
