remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
