i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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