Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
