What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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