I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
