is your mom at the bar?
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
