i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
