Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
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I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.