I'm going to jail i love you
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.