I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
