i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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