GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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