he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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