ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
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Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize