i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
