Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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