my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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