I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize