he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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