apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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