we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
