how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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