I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
