his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
