I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
