You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
