I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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