I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Come on in and take your pants off
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