I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
