so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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