Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
