I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
