Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
