Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
