well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
