I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
