Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize