He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
