oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
