Having a random hookup so left but love u
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
