it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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