I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
