dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So many bounce houses so little time
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
