We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
