So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Sext me about skeletons
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
