u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
