If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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