there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
