it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
