Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
