Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
