your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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