I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
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