also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
