just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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