She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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