So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
