Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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