Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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