Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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