I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just cropdusted the office
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
