My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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